Monday, October 19, 2009

Pay it Forward and Back Again: An Oso's Tale.



While driving home from work one day, Don Oso decided he'd take his chance at listening to some AM radio. AM radio, he thought to himself, is like "the other white meat." Well, he thought, not so much like the "other white meat," but like the actual phrase "the other white meat." Everyone always knew that pork was there with its curly tail and squeal-of-being-eaten delightful tenderness; it took a mad-hatted genius in an ivory tower somewhere to coin a phrase that both promoted itself and yet deferred superiority to another animal's flesh. How polite.

After briefly chastising himself for allowing his mind to wander on such mental fodder for too long, he remembered the point of the whole excursion; AM radio is a lot like pork, or at least its famous catchphrase. But by now, Don Oso had forgotten the point of it all as he was supremely impressed by the advertisement he was hearing for a company that could "eliminate the tax debt that YOU owe the government!"

"Fantastic!" thought Don Oso! "I can finally get out from under these tax liens!" He marveled at the thought.

So, Don Oso arrived home, picked up the phone and called the tax-debt-relief lawyers. They explained that previous clients, clients who owed the Federal Government over $40,000, settled their debts at pennies on the dollar, paying Uncle Sam merely hundreds of dollars instead of the tens of thousands that they owed.

How did it work? Simple! Don Oso simply had to sign a contract stipulating that he would pay the lawyers a percentage of the amount that they were able to negotiate off of his back taxes, which Don Oso was assured could be a 5-figure number. So, after some discussion, assurances and platitudes, Don Oso signed a contract and went home to wait.

Six months passed, and Don Oso was tired of collectors calling his home a few times a day, trying to collect money for services rendered by some law firm that claimed he owed them 6% of $80,000. As he was driving home that day, he decided to test the waves of AM radio again, as he was wont to do. While listening to a captivating advertisement for debt-consolidation services, a service he would call when he arrived home that evening, he couldn't help but experience deja-vu as his mind was inexplicably fixated on sweet-and-sour pork.

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